TRIGGER WARNING: This article discusses grief and loss, which may be distressing for some readers.
Grief is often associated with the loss that follows the passing of someone close to you, but for many, the grieving process begins long before they pass away. This phenomenon, known as anticipatory grief, can be just as profound and challenging as the grief experienced after a loss. Understanding and acknowledging anticipatory grief is crucial for emotional wellbeing and can help individuals navigate this difficult journey with greater resilience.
What is anticipatory grief?
Anticipatory grief refers to the process of grieving that arises before a loved one passes away. This type of grief can occur when someone close to you is diagnosed with a terminal illness or their health is declining. Unlike traditional grief, which occurs after a loss, anticipatory grief allows individuals to begin processing their emotions whilst their loved ones are still alive. It’s important to understand that feeling anticipatory grief is completely normal and a natural response before a loved one passes away.
What is the societal impact?
Nearly a quarter of the working-age population in the UK has experienced bereavement in the past year, which includes anticipatory grief.
Bereavement, including anticipatory grief, costs the UK economy an estimated £23 billion annually in lost Gross Value Added (GVA) and costs the UK Treasury around £8 billion in reduced tax revenues, increased healthcare costs, and income support payments.
Causes and triggers
Anticipatory grief can arise from various situations, such as receiving a terminal illness diagnosis, witnessing the decline of a loved one, or mourning the future experiences you and your loved one will miss out on, like attending your wedding or watching their grandchildren grow up. Understanding these triggers can help individuals prepare and cope more effectively. It’s important to acknowledge that anticipatory grief is a natural response to impending loss and can affect anyone facing a significant change.
Anticipatory grief is often experienced by caregivers of individuals with terminal illnesses, like cancer. Watching a loved one’s physical and cognitive decline can be deeply distressing, leading to feelings of helplessness and sorrow. The unpredictable nature of the illness can make these emotions even more intense.
Common emotions and experiences
Anticipatory grief encompasses a wide range of emotions, each as valid and significant as those felt after a loss. Some common feelings include:
Anxiety:
The uncertainty and unknown about what will happen to a loved one can lead to significant anxiety and overwhelm. Concerns about whether someone close to you is suffering, changes in their condition, and the eventual loss can be overwhelming. This may impact a person’s working life and overall well-being, potentially leading to other mental health challenges such as depression and PTSD.Sadness:
Deep sadness is a natural response to the anticipated loss. This sadness can be persistent and may come in waves, often triggered by reminders of the impending loss such as medical appointments, conversations with loved ones, or helping them get their personal affairs in order.Anger:
It is common to feel anger towards the situation or even towards the someone close to you for leaving. This anger can be directed inward or outward and can be challenging to manage.Guilt:
Feelings of guilt may arise, especially if there are thoughts of relief that their suffering will end. Guilt can also arise from perceived standard of care given, especially if you think you should be doing more to help or if you feel the care services aren’t good enough.Loneliness:
Feelings of loneliness may arise due to the demands of caregiving responsibilities, changes in their loved one's condition, and limited social interactions. Caregivers may also feel that they can’t express their own emotions.
Coping strategies
Navigating anticipatory grief requires self-compassion and the use of coping strategies to manage the emotional impact. Research indicates that workplaces can play a crucial role in supporting employees through grief by providing appropriate bereavement support and creating an environment where discussing grief is not taboo.
Here are some ways to cope:
The Importance of acknowledgment:
Recognising and validating anticipatory grief is crucial for healing. Understanding these feelings as a natural response to impending loss helps individuals prepare emotionally and mentally. While painful, anticipatory grief also allows for cherishing remaining time with loved ones and finding meaningful connections amidst the sorrow.Seek support:
Talking to friends, family, or professional services including counsellors, can provide much-needed support. Sharing your feelings with others can help relieve the weight of grief. Research has shown that social support is crucial in mitigating the effects of grief and can significantly improve emotional wellbeing.Practice self-care:
Engage in activities that promote physical and emotional wellbeing, such as exercise, meditation, and hobbies. Taking care of your body and mind can help you manage stress and maintain resilience. Studies suggest that regular physical activity and mindfulness practices can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression associated with grief.Express emotions:
Find healthy ways to express emotions, whether through writing, art, or talking to someone. Creative outlets can provide a sense of relief and help process complex feelings. Research supports the therapeutic benefits of expressive writing and art therapy in managing grief.Stay present:
Focusing on the present moment can help manage anxiety about the future. Mindfulness practices, have been shown to reduce anxiety and depression, improve sleep, and even lower blood pressure.Take care of yourself:
Ensure you are attending to your own physical and emotional needs. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and sufficient rest are essential for maintaining your wellbeing. Studies show that these practices can reduce the risk of major illnesses, improve mental health, and promote longevity.
Seeking Support
If you are suffering with anticipated grief or grieving the loss of a loved one, it is important to reach out for support. Here’s some resources that can help:
Cruse Bereavement Support:
Offers free and confidential support for those dealing with grief. Visit Cruse Bereavement Support or call their helpline at 0808 808 1677.Marie Curie:
Provides support for those dealing with terminal illness and their families. Visit Marie Curie or call their support line at 0800 090 2309.Mind:
Offers advice and support to anyone experiencing a mental health problem. Visit Mind or call their Infoline at 0300 123 3393.Samaritans:
Provides 24/7 support for anyone in distress. Visit Samaritans or call their helpline at 116 123.Sue Ryder:
Provides a range of resources including articles, grief counselling, and text support to help you through difficult times. Visit Sue Ryder for more information.Carers Trust:
Offers comprehensive help and information on coping with grief, tailored specifically for carers. Visit Carers Trust for more details.